First, you will need to have Wheel Of Fortune (WOF) show up in the city with their famous trailer to do a WOF Some Sorta City Week. If you're like my girlfriend (GF) and her dad, you'll know. My GF is big fan of the show. When something came up for auditions on TV, Odd visited the site and got the audition locations and times.
I don't watch WOF at all so I'm not a fan or anything but when your lovely GFcalls you up 9am in the sunday morning during sleepy time and asks for some company and support...you better go. Anyway, I ended up doing more than supporting. So I joined in and was glad I did. Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this. There were some pretty scary hardcore players who actually had puzzles at hand. Some even talked hours on how they were meant to go on.
So yeah...show up there. After that, a couple of the audition managers will pass out some teeny weeny ass applications of a special color - blue (about 500 of them). If you end up with another color...you will end up in another audition time. So it goes like this:
500 Blue applications = 12pm - 3pm
500 Yellow (or whatever) applications = 4pm - whatever.
How do I know this?
Rad: Why do they get yellow?
Audition Dude (AD): Because we don't have any blue left.
Rad: Why?
AD: Because we can only audition 500 at a time. Yellow will be another time since we can't keep hoards of crowds in this small parking lot.
Rad: Oh
Odd: Now you know.
Rad: And knowing is half the battle.
So when the audition actually starts. They'll grab all 500 applications and raffle that shit. Yes raffle. So for those who really want to be in it you better pray.
Requirement #1: Luck.
So yeah...you can be a complete dumbass and get selected. How many out of the 500 were taken in? Exactly 15.
They will call out 3 groups of 5 one name at a time. When you get called, you wil get a polaroid shot and some dude will video tape you. So act surprised there. In each of the groups, they will do a simulated version of WOF using a cardboard wheel to spin for WOF trinkets (i.e. WOF hat, shirt, etc.) and a whiteboard for the actual puzzle.
So yeah...if by the grace of God you get selected. Get excited. Do crazy shit and at least pretend like you're interested in WOF especially in front of their "host".
When I got selected, I threw my Kings hat at the host as if I graduated from somewhere. I "riverdanced" on the stage. I even did an impression of the host on the stage. Oh yeah...be nice to the other contestants too. When the host interviews you, make yourself interesting to people.
Everything will be fast as fuck once it starts. No wheel spinning here. Since vowels are free, CALL THAT SHIT OUT FIRST! This is how they separate the ones from those who don't think first. There were some people who called out other letters first and couldn't figure out why they couldn't get ANY letter. They called out L, R, and T. I was 4th in turn called out "I" and "A" and this is what I came up with.
Fictional Character:
I _ _ I A _ A
_ _ _ _ _
I'll leave the answers later.
If you don't get to solve the puzzle don't even worry about it because I didn't even solve it. Before it even got to my turn again, it was solved.
Requirement #2: Call out vowels first and call it with authority. Act like a dumbass when it's your turn.
Once the audition is over, the host will talk a bit.
Host: "If you get selected, you will get a letter from us, and you'll be another step closer to getting on the show.
Crowd: "oooooh....aaaaaah"
Rad: "So how many get selected from here today?"
Host: "Not Very Many. Less Than 15 that's for sure!"
Crowd: "oooooh....aaaaaah"
1 week later. I got the letter.
The letter says to show up on Thursday morning @ the SF Marriot. It also says to dress casual...with a huge emphasis on casual.
I show up along with 60 others.
In the hotel, a bunch of seats are setup in a club room along with WOF spinning wheel and a projector screen.
When it starts, the audition managers will do a seating chart and start calling each finalist by name to call out your letter when the puzzle starts. You will have a chance to spin their cardboard wheel (which is done by their assistants) and then call a letter. When you get called, stand up from your seat and act giddy. If you keep guessing the right letters, the assistant will purposely point the spinning arrow to bankrupt to avoid bogging down the flow of the audition and see how fast you can solve under a small number of letters.
What's the purpose of this? The managers want to see how well you do under pressure and see if your nervous. You get 3 seconds to make a decision. What makes this so hard? There were people out there who called letters that were already called and those used letters are already displayed on the screen. You wouldn't believe how many people couldn't pay attention just because they're nervous. One person asked for a vowel before spinning. Another person was so mad because he kept guessing the right letters in a 35 letter puzzle and the assistant purposely pointed the arrow to bankrupt. For about two hours, this goes on. Some people call constants all day. Others call combination of vowels and constants. There was one person I met that was a Stanford graduate who was really good with crossword puzzles. When his name was called, he didn't say a thing and the buzzer went off. I told myself "..Man. Well I guess he's fucked." So yeah...they have a buzzer.
Requirement #3: Have fun. Stay alive by buying vowels.
Once that whole charade is done, you will be given a written test. You are to solve 15 puzzles in 5 minutes.
Here are some of the ones I got that I solved.
same name:
W _ Y N _
&
F _ G
N _ W _ _ N
thing:
C _ _ _ _ N
C _ _ _ T _ S Y
phrase:
L_ N _
L_V_
T _ _
K_N_
same name:
A _ _ Y &
M _ _ A _ _ E
G _ _ F F _ _ _
before and after:
S H R _ _ _
C _ C _ T _ _ _
W _ _ T R _ S S
Those were the most memorable. I'll provide answers later. Knock yourself out.
Out of the 15 I got 8. And everything else I got partially. Do you need to be good in the written test? Of course. If you can do the ones above in 3 minutes, you're pretty good. Not to sound conceited but I did those in 30 seconds.
After the written test, they will take a 20 minute brake showing while showing videos of past episodes of WOF. Based on how you did on the written test and the super fast WOF simulation they will call you out. The rest of the names who haven't gotten called will leave and it'll be the end of story for them. They called out about 30 people from the 60. I happened to be one of them. I actually met 2 people who got them all correct. Scary.
Requirement #4: You better have a vast vocab or you're basically fucked.
Once the rest of the washups walk out, that's when things get funny. You will then be interviewed by their panel. When they interview you in front of the rest of the remaining finalists, they'll ask you questions that will throw you off.
Their questions:
1. What are your weirdest hobbies?
2. What is your favorite type of music and why?
3. Besides liking WOF, why did you really want to be in the show?
Common answers
1. I like to make my dog do weird tricks
2. I like (place genre here). It makes me feel happy inside.
3. I know the history. I've been a big fan since I was little...blah blah blah.
My answers
1. I make weird noises in front of my girlfriend and make her guess what animal it is. One time I farted and she thought I was imitating a seal. I also collect video games and never play them. (crowd laughs)
2. My favorite music is a mixed version of hawaiian, african, japanese, boomba, indian, funk, beats. Also known as hip hop.
3. I know I can solve puzzles and I can tell you many facts why I like the show but basically I just like acting like a boob in front of people and I think that's what people want to watch. I also want to know if Vanna is real or just a person edited into the video.
After the interviews 10 more people got eliminated. I was still alive. People need to know that each episode of WOF contains weirdos sometimes. It gets people glued to the TV more.
Requirement #5: Be a stand-up comedian. If no one is laughing, you're basically fucked.
In the top 20, this is what I call ludicrous speed WOF. This is if they can see how really good you are in solving word puzzles. For each puzzle, they will show a letter 1 second at a time to the remainder of the group (20) until the puzzle is completely revealed. Here's the problem. Raise your hand to stop the clock and the letters from continuously appearing. if you know the puzzle and solve. If you get it wrong, you're eliminated. If you get it right, you get 1 point. This goes on for about an hour. After the hour, tie breakers will for 10th place will play head-to-head. The top 10 then proceeds into the final round of ludicrous speed WOF. Then from there 5 people will actually get to appear on the show. I found out about this after chopping it up with the assistants of the audition. I asked why they can't just take the top 5 from the 20? They mentioned that they wanted to see how much pressure the finalists could withstand knowing there are only 10 of them. They told me they have 2 other final auditions that are being done that wil pull out 10 more actual TV contestants. That makes sense. Since there are 3 contestants on a single show, that makes 15 contestants within the 5-day week. Anyway, here were the final standings:
1. (15 points!! Fawk!)
2. (? points)
3. (? points)
4. (? points)
5. (? points)
6. (? points)
7. (? points)
8. (? points)
9. Some Other Dork (9 points)
10. Some Dork (7 Points)
11. Italian Dude (7 Points)
12. Radford (6 points)
13. ?????
14. ?????
15. ?????
16. ?????
17. ?????
18. ?????
19. ?????
20. (0 points...yeah...someone got eliminated saying John & Joan COSACK. That was pretty funny. He might as well said BALLSACK.)
Requirement #6: Be a WOF addict. Which I'm not.
Ain't that some shit? Could've but oh well. The rest cried in shame. I pretty much had fun with it all. Thank God for phone cameras. They weren't allowed in the audition.